Relapse

I was warned.

I didn’t listen.

I’ve laid in bed countless days. I didn’t have thoughts of suicide. I didn’t want to hurt myself. Sure I was lost in the world, “but that’s normal right?” “The world is corrupt.” “There is no point.” “I just need a way out, I just need to escape” “I’m happy this way.” “I just like to be alone.” I couldn’t hear myself, but everyone else could.

I didn’t listen to anyone.

I did this.

I fought the people who were trying to save me from myself. I blamed them for not understanding. “No one gets me!” “They don’t like me.” I spent my days in bed and told others they were living wrong. I let the monster in my closet come out and wrap me up warm and tight in his arms. I let the monster in my closet think for me, speak for me.

I did this to myself.

I made a promise.

I broke it.