You Have No Idea What You’re Doing! Neither Do I!
I am no stranger to being lost, just the same as many in society. We stand together but surely separated, as we struggle with various problems and doubt ourselves throughout life. At the age of 17, I was put in charge of teaching a human how to, well, live. It became my job to teach a child (my child?!) how to be successful and happy in this world when I, myself, had just made one of the biggest “mistakes” in life right on the verge of arriving into adulthood. You know, that time when you are supposed to have things, at least a little, figured out. I felt like one of the least qualified individuals to be taking on the responsibilities placed before me. How the heck was I going to provide for a child, when I was still living at home? Teach her how to be responsible and successful, when I couldn’t even make good decisions for myself? Would I just constantly tell her, “Do as I say, not as I do.”? I felt alone, lost and confused in midst of being placed with the the task of providing comfort, guidance and knowledge.
Recently, while discussing the book Still by Lauren Winner with my minster, he addressed that the author was having a spiritual crisis, as a teacher and participant of Christianity. He experienced significant personal relation to the author and sought to to have some insightful discussion on this, but at the time I glazed over the topic without a second thought. I saw her situation in the light of common relation and mild humor. The same as if someone had told me a story of waking up tired, in desperate need of coffee. They make their coffee and get distracted. When they finally get the chance drink their coffee it is stale and too cold to properly blend in their cream and sugar. Yes, its a tragic story, but everyone has been there one way or another. We all toddle along in life pretending as if we know what we are doing, sometimes convinced by how well we play our roll and others hoping no one calls out our charade. I see this as part of life and something that can’t be cured. Rather than discovering a cure, I have come to find that peaceful acceptance of this lostness as a part of human existence is the best road to more clarity. Everywhere I look, I see people in situations where they are not sure in the message they are delivering or actions they are participating. I have known bank tellers who are very slowly learning how to stick to a budget and cooks who eat out almost every meal. I have known customer service representatives who are antisocial introverts and checkout clerks who hate materialism and face constant conflict in their thoughts and actions. I think as humans, we are always at least a little unsure in what we are doing. After all, no one is perfect. After our book discussion, I realized that perhaps I needed to take a minute and look a little further into my personal views. I had denied a fellow inquisitor and myself an opportunity for a more meaningful conversation and have sought to redeem myself of my mistake.
We, as a society, are proud and reluctant to accept our imperfection. This leads us to have a hard time accepting our faults with grace. We are likely to blame others or ignore our wrong mistake completely before gaining the courage to admit what we have done, take responsibility for our actions and learn from them. This behavior can be caused by the influence of our insecurities. We see our insecurities as weakness and evolution has shown us that only the strong survive. This way of thinking is wrong, yes, the strong are the more likely to survive but the revealing of insecurities does not make you weak. Lack of revelation and attendance to your insecurities is what give them power and in turn takes power from you, making you weak.
Questing yourself and being critical is an amazing gift because it is a sign of personal growth to come. I believe that getting lost along the journey of life is a way God helps guide us. When we lose our way we essentially have two options: stay determined and get through the fog or follow a different path. Neither one of these options is wrong, nor do they have to be the final answer because the decision is based on each individual’s current position and intended destination. Take note, I do not use the word “choice”. I used “options” because the word “choice” carries more weight than necessary. Some may call this a life choice or a moment to “show your stuff”. I believe, these so called life changing, pressured moments are not much different than any other moment in life. They are virtually the same as all the others; a time in life where you are in full control of your next action. When faced with situations where we question ourselves, many will stand idle as if expecting things to get better on their own without effort. A lot of what causes this response is fear of the unknown. You can take away this fear by taking action.
In deciding to stand your ground as you are encompassed by a fog of self doubt and insecurities, you will possibly feel a new level of confusion and estrangement in different aspects of life. It is hard to get deal with getting lost when you are sure you know where you are going. You will have to accept the fact that you have no idea where you are, while right in the middle of where you know are supposed to be. This is a heavy lesson in the realms of pride and humility. I recommend taking a moment to remember who you are, where you are, how you got there and what you know to be at the end. Take as long as you need to rest, regather yourself and recognize your purpose. But, do not take any more time than you truly need. Even if your rest feels like the first in decades and you want to stay sitting on the ground until you are content, get up and start moving the moment you have a heading. The fog will surely clear and you will begin to feel familiar with your surroundings, soon enough.
Seeking a new direction in life is hard because you are choosing to become more lost. You now have no idea where you are and this can be very scary. Negative feelings will easily become fertile in your mind. You mustn’t allow yourself to be overcome by fear or doubt to the point of failure.This is time when you will have to accept that you have failed, but in failing you will learn and grow. As long as you do not let failure stop you, you are considered successful. You must keep moving but accompany each step with deep thought in self-reflection and self-growth. This can be very tiring and at times seem pointless. You may even start looking to go back the way you came but it is likely, at that point you have strayed too far away from what was behind you, to go back. Before long, the leaves on the ground hiding your way will get thinner and you will have found a route to take. When we feel lost, it is God’s way of showing us that we have been lost longer than we have realized. When you feel lost, know that God has his hand out to guide you, all you have to do is be willing to keep going and follow him.
God works in mysterious ways, doing his best to guide us to him while allowing us to make our own decisions and take the roads we must in order to ready ourselves to meet him. Do not put unnecessary pressure on yourself by thinking you have to correctly complete this thing called life, rather, see life as the tutorial to what is to come after we have successfully worked our way through each lesson. We are all constantly learning new things everyday and there will always be doubt as we grow. Do not let unsureness get the best of you, you are not alone in feeling it. We are all walking and talking and acting like we know what we are doing, but 5 years from now every human on this planet is going to look back and have a memory of a time when they think about how silly, dumb, or naive we were. Mrs. Winner’s situation didn’t spark thought in me the way it did in my minister because, to me, she was just stating the obvious and in that particular moment she was more aware of it than usual. Now, after further reflection, I have found the lesson I was meant to solidify. Keep moving, for God is with you and guiding you even when you feel lost to Him.
Winner, L. (2013). Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis. New York City: Harper One.
